The French are Madmen!!

[PJ3074]

Time for another monthly stint with my job working down in the South of France (can't complain for the weather and all) but everytime I drive down here its like running the gauntlet of death.........

Firstly the really, really bad news I always get a Citreon C3 hire car everytime I tick the box for medium/compact - WHY? Its like a jacked up pram with the handling to match.........

The car behind me always hooks itself up like a caravan, so much so I can see what the people look like in the back of the car and the geezer in the red t-shirt is Jean-Pierre as I can read his name label sewn into the back of it.........

When you come to exit the motorway I filter in nice and sensible and right at the Apex point you get three of the gits pull in front of you...Oh, apparently this is acceptable as they had their indicators on. Which surprises me as I didn't think French electrics work??.........

There are even Barry's here too! On the way back to the company flat I was behind Claude Le Barry in his clapped out Calibra - with big boy bodykit that was designed by Lego and manufactured in Stickle Bricks.........He thought he was super cool listerning to Jeour Le Taxi probably on an imported Goodmans Deck from Le Dixons.........

Oh and you have to adopt super french driving skills here too which is overtake, overtake and yes overtake! It can be as dangerous and as stupid as you like, but I am french and I have to be in front of you Monseiur as I have onions to attend to or something

When I get back to Gatwick on a Friday and do the M25...I think this is actually a sane place in which to be driving...oh well, at least in a months time I get to drive.........oh yes another Citreon (Lemon) C3

[James Junior]

Know what you mean mate - I was on business in the Riviera a while back and it was a real eye opener!

They love the horn don't they? It seems whatever you do they give you a blast of the horn!

Also loved parking - Nice style! For the uninitiated most drivers in the Riviera leave their handbrakes off when they park. This is because when parallel parking it is quite acceptable to reverse until you make contact with the car behind you, push it back a foot or so, then straighten up, push forward into the car in front and push it forward a foot or so, then come to rest in the big space in between!

My friend who lives there told me about this and I didn't believe it until I saw it!

Clearly crazy driving is common elsewhere in France too!

Good luck bud - hope your escape in one piece!

[j0nathan]

Have you encountered the young French female driver yet?

They are a breed apart. The electrics in their cars work because they are quite new so theoretically the indicators work however it is not possible to use them because then you'll not be able to apply make up and chat on the phone at the same time. A friend once told me she doesn't fill up her screen wash bottle - she just waits until it rains so that she can clean the screen...

Other than that they drive with the pedal firmly mashed against the bulk head at all times, tailgate so close you couldn't get a fag paper between your rear bumper and her front and will pull out into on coming traffic.

Without a doubt the young French female driver is generally worse than the young males. By and large though the males have been on the road for longer as they get onto a scooter as soon as they are able.

If you want truly scary driving Italy can be quite a pleasant place to visit though even they are no match for many African countries where I have seen 5 lanes of traffic queueing at a set of lights where only 2 lanes were marked. At least they bothered to stop though - that seems optional in Italy.

[PJ3074]

Have you encountered the young French female driver yet?

Funny enough I did this morning on the way into work. I was doing a reasonable 70kms down a B-type road which was a bit twisty (bearing in mind I'm in the C3 hire car from Le Crap Rentals.com where handling was an optional extra) and I'm approaching an S-bend, then from nowhere I get two tarts overtake me on the bends and one of them was on the phone.

On the way back to Le Flat I almost got wiped out in rush hour when there was some road works on the motorway down to a single lane and I'm being Mr sensible when Le xxxx in white van almost takes the front end out as he cuts in within just 2 feet of road on the narrowing point....I'm now enjoying my 3rd ice cold beer to get over it !!!!!

[Blue1984]

We holidayed in South France last year and pretty much every single car had a bit missing/scrapes/dents on it. Plus they also parked anywhere they could in one car park in Avignon, we were glad we parked further out and walked to the main bit!

[monkeymax]

I took the Mk1 to central France to go a mates wedding (he's French) in the Dijon area. Drove down and back through Champagne, Dijon - mostly A-roads where we could though the autoroute for a fair bit of the trip there as we were running late...

Although parking in towns could be a bit harrowing and driving through them scary, I actually much preferred it to driving here. The roads were much quieter, and much better. And some fantastic roads at that too...

I'll agree, driving in South of France is a huge heart-attack-risk... but central France is brilliant. I'm actually looking forward to going back!

Oh - a tip, never drive your car into Paris if you love the car. Even the outskirts is scary enough!!!
We really didn't stay there long, and didn't leave the car unattended...

[j0nathan]

We holidayed in South France last year and pretty much every single car had a bit missing/scrapes/dents on it.

The quantity of scrapes and dents are partly to do with the French insurance system. If you make 3+ claims you become practically uninsurable so people don't claim for cosmetic issues to make sure that their policy price stays low.

As others have pointed out their is a certain joy to driving in France and that is the quality of their roads in comparison to ours and the lack of traffic...

[pcp]

i drove a rental from rome to florence, was meant to be an alfa but ended up with a fiat estate

The italians truly are mental, driving through the centre of rome you just have to get into the mindset of 'i'm going into that lane like it or not' and 'i don't care if it's give way', you'd sit at a junction all day if you didn't bully your way out.

On the superstrade i expected things to relax a little, no chance, doing 90mph you'll get people sitting less than a foot from your rear bumper, that's a little disconcerting, whats worse tho is that then you'll have a HGV doing it too, whilst going round a tight (by mway standards) bend whilst perched on top of a valley

Good fun tho

[PJ3074]

I haven't had the pleasure of the Italians, Greece and Spain is interesting especially on mountain track roads when you get a coach coming the other way (Pop, Pop and thats not the exhaust blowing )

Well its my last day in France today (thank god ) and back to blighty at 5pm until I come back in 5wks time!

Just had my last drive of the day and yet another issue: FRENCH ROADWORKS

From Aussone at the Roundabout-about bit, after the school.....is totally stuffed. I will never complain about UK roadworks ever again as we have the sense to do one side at a time....but do the French? Like Feck they do.....I've got a really good idea Jean-Claude!! lets dig up the whole fecking road both sides right upto the R/Bout to create an
off road quadmyre, whilst we try and relay a new road, whilst everyone drives through what we are doing!! Furthmore, lets put Pierre and Michel in charge of traffic control as one is blind and the other is deaf......Oh La La, What a tre' Excellent idea Phillipe! (TW@T5)

[j0nathan]

I haven't had the pleasure of the Italians, Greece and Spain is interesting especially on mountain track roads when you get a coach coming the other way (Pop, Pop and thats not the exhaust blowing )

Well its my last day in France today (thank god ) and back to blighty at 5pm until I come back in 5wks time!

Just had my last drive of the day and yet another issue: FRENCH ROADWORKS

From Aussone at the Roundabout-about bit, after the school.....is totally stuffed. I will never complain about UK roadworks ever again as we have the sense to do one side at a time....but do the French? Like Feck they do.....I've got a really good idea Jean-Claude!! lets dig up the whole fecking road both sides right upto the R/Bout to create an
off road quadmyre, whilst we try and relay a new road, whilst everyone drives through what we are doing!! Furthmore, lets put Pierre and Michel in charge of traffic control as one is blind and the other is deaf......Oh La La, What a tre' Excellent idea Phillipe! (TW@T5)

...yeah - but their road works last a matter of seconds compare to the long drawn out affair we have to suffer. They have also the mastered the technique of the rolling road work where they have a lead and a tail vehicle with road works going on in between. In the UK we'd have had 3 miles of cones, a contra flow and average speed cameras to compete with. I'd rather French road works over UK ones any day. The only thing I dislike though is when they close a road and divert you off it and then all the diversion signs disappear- mind you, that happens in this country too!

[pcp]

yeah i've often wondered why we call them road works over here, you drive past miles of cones and there's no buggers working, then the cones end and you can't work out what they're doing. WHen i was driving from rome to florence ther was heaps of roadworks on the motorway, on the way back however 5 days later they'd all gone

[mattcambs]

Makes you proud/glad/relieved to be British!


I've driven down to Fontainbleu just south of Paris and the only scary bit for me was the Le Periferique (or whatever it's called). Absolute bloody nutters, all of them!

[xanthus400]

i have had the pleasant experience (if you could call it that) of being a passenger in my ex's car in italy. i actually lost the power of speech with shock of a guy undertaking us on a slip road to go back on the motorway and give us the bird.I cant compare the itlalians with ole mr frenchy but i can imagine em giving em a run for the money. Makes you think that us brits are actually mild mannerd but i wont think that when im on the m25 this christmas lmao

[matt_mr2t]

Have to confess, you just wouldnt get me to drive in a foreign country.

England has xxxxx on the road, every where else has maniacs.

[j0nathan]

Wow - talk about thread resurrection! Did someone get a fresh order of holy water, a quick course in cross action adn a couple of sacrificial cockerels for their birthday? Was very surprised to see this thread in my inbox today!

...back on topic...

...only got back from France last week and pleased to report no incidents. Female French drivers still more erratic and sour faced than their male counterparts. French Taxi drivers still optimistic when it comes to squeezing into impossibly small gaps in the centre of the city (Limoges) at ridiculous speeds.

Went back to Italy earlier in the year for the first time in years and I am pleased to report that their drving is as spectacularly suicidal as ever when a mountain, hairpin bends and several hundred foot drops are involved. Motorways were an eye openere as well - I really didn't think you could fit that many cars in the same carriage way within such a small amount of room as they do at 70'ish mph - thought the driver behind was going to lean out and scratch my ar$e for me he was that close.

[mattcambs]

England has xxxxx on the road, every where else has maniacs.

^ Didn't know you could say that ^

[Tiny]

i thought it changed it to Aunts? obviously not then

[Ben]

I think that's predictive text

[mattcambs]

I think that's predictive text

First thing I do on a new phone is save the "C" word in the dictionary

[pcp]

Have to confess, you just wouldnt get me to drive in a foreign country.

England has xxxxx on the road, every where else has maniacs.

you see i'd take maniacs everyday of the week, the difference being is that those maniacs understand the rules of the road, if someone is behind you move the fook out of the way, this past 2 weeks i've been travelling down the motorway nearly every day and the amount of time wasted due to willys sitting in the fast lane at 70 or just below when there's nothing to overtake for a couple of hundred feet, meaning it takes them about a minute to catch up, they could easily move over, let me past then move back out, but in the UK that mindset doesn't seem to exist, i've been undertaking a lot and giving people abuse whilst doing it, arseholes. The mways over here are only 2 lanes which adds to the problem